Our lives are composed of infinite, intertwining stories, a reality that makes it difficult to know where or how to begin one’s narrative.  Oddly, in this moment, the task is not so difficult: this website and my journey through the cancer diagnosis saga are intimately connected events.  If the purpose of life is to experience, grow and share, then the documentation of my wellness process to concerned readers like you qualifies as a story – our story.

All Things Vegan Radio

Listen to my interview with “All Things Vegan Radio” where I talk about how I faced faced my cancer diagnosis. Learn how I healed myself without choosing surgery, radiation, or chemotherapy.

Part I – “Hello… you have cancer…”

What can I say about the diagnosis?  For me, telling this story is akin to remembering where I was when JFK was shot, or when the Towers fell. It was a life disaster moment.

I recall anxiously awaiting my doctor’s call with a huge knot in my gut.   When she rang, with my ear poised to the phone, I held onto that glimmer of hope for a negative test result.  But this was not to be: she informed me that my biopsy was positive.  She then proceeded to layout my next course of action, but I could barely catch a word she said.  All I heard were echoes of “positive… positive… positive…”  Funny how “positive” can take on the meaning of “negative.”  I became mortal that day.

Minutes following my diagnosis, a number of questions came to mind:

“How could this happen to me?”

“Who do I call?”

“Who do I not call?”

Perhaps the most interesting reflection of all was I don’t have time for this. 

Time!  Our sense of control over our lives, how we qualify our accomplishments, is determined by how well we “plan” and how well we orchestrate our lives by following through with a plan.  But here, time meant more than simply dealing with cancer.  I was a fitness instructor and whole foods advocate who now had to revise my life goals and objectives for health reasons.  How crazy is this?  Didn’t my previous plan protect me from illness?  What went wrong?  What do I do now?  And what course of action do I take?  There is a common road map for treating cancer – second opinions, chemo, radiation, etc. – was this my new plan, my new journey?

By the day’s end, I was blessed with an entirely different set of reflections, the reflections below that I share with you, ironically, from my “healing” journal – a sacred possession that predates my diagnosis and which perhaps had long been a hint of my new wellness role in this world, in the years to come.

I am truly on the path of healing.  Not only from a soulful sense, but also from a physical one. Today I received a diagnosis of breast cancer. Crap, crap, crap. At first I could not believe it was true. I felt like I was in a dream, going through the motions of trying to wrap my thoughts around it and trying to understand, all at the same time. Too many thoughts were entering my mind all at once.  I felt like I was short-circuiting.  Luckily, I took a walk in nature – I walked in the hills with my dog Koal. 

I don’t recall much of the walk, but it felt good just to move. Afterwards I went off to see Darryl (my loving husband) whose mom at the time just landed in the hospital. All felt normal except the nagging realization that I had to deal with this diagnosis. Getting used to accepting that as my reality is going to be the difficult part.

Cancer has been present in my life, both my mother and father died from it. I never truly thought it would be in my own body.  I am sure there is a reason for this, even though the doctors continue to assure me that it just happens, even to people like me. I feel it is showing up for me because it is a gift in a funny costume. I know it is a real blessing in disguise. I am determined to make this a blessing. I am determined that I will be able to offer this journey as a gift of healing for so many women. This is my road of blessings to come. 

In Gratitude,

Part II – Being in the World with a Cancer Diagnosis – Friends and Family

Well, I don’t know how you would handle this situation, but for me I really did not want many people to know what I was experiencing. In fact, I am now just getting comfortable with sharing my journey. There were various reasons I kept my diagnosis to myself and my immediate family.  But the biggest reason for my secrecy is that I didn’t want people worrying about me.  I didn’t want to be treated differently, given that I now had a diagnosis with a survival rate that was measured in years.

Not wanting others to be over-concerned stemmed from other things, like the fact that I did not feel ill in the least bit.  I would personally scan my body for any signs or indications that I was fighting a disease.  I could not find a thing.  In fact, I felt good.  And I ate well, I exercised, I meditated, I enjoyed my loving family.  I was a student of self-improvement, and I was long devoted to living an amazing, positive life.  So “sick” I was not. The only indication of this diagnosis was the lump in my breast.

As I researched what to do and who to go to for help, the conventional paths for treatment never sat well with me.  I felt pressured to make a decision and to start moving forward.  At a certain point, when I contemplated a lumpectomy, I realized that I had simply considered it so that people would leave me alone about my diagnosis.  But after meeting with the surgeon I knew that was not my truth.  Everybody wanted me to act fast and get the cancer out of my body before it spread.  It felt like the cancer was being viewed as a foreign object or cling-on that somehow entered my body.  This concept of the “foreign” is what didn’t sit well with me.  And my awareness of this discomfort was a huge turning point.

If this diagnosis was indeed a blessing, then cancer was not my enemy.  I birthed this cancer and so I knew I had to somehow befriend it because it was me, in this form I had yet to recognize.  This was hard for most to understand so I kept it to myself.  I decided to begin this process of recognition by spending 3 weeks at the Hippocrates Health Institute, a center dedicated to healing through a vegan diet that is supplemented by exercise, positive thinking, and non-invasive therapies.  Most who knew of my condition, aside from immediate family, believed I was going there to get myself in the best physical condition I could before proceeding with surgery and whatever other protocol was prescribed.  But I knew I was going there to treat my cancer in a way that made all the sense in the world to me.  Hippocrates was my truth – I knew it would provide the kind of environment that would enable me to heal on my own terms.

Before and after my trip to Hippocrates, I was very protective of myself with others’ energies.  Even though I knew that everyone wanted only the best for me, I needed to keep many at bay.  I knew I was swimming upstream and I didn’t want others’ concerns and fears to make the current any stronger.  To be honest, others’ fears actually rocked my world in disturbing ways, and I was on a mission of complete faith in what I already knew to be my healing truth.  I felt very raw and vulnerable so I needed to protect myself to remain on my course.  I would only let people know what I was going through if it served me in a positive way.  At first I thought this was selfish, but I soon learned that this was also a process in learning to honor myself through positive community.

My silence about my condition still seemed to cause some harm.  When I told my clients I would be taking time off without a reason, many assumed I was on leave for a spa vacation.  I continue to experience some difficulty sharing my “secret,” especially since one absolutely has to learn to intuit from the heart with whom this information can be shared.  Further, in the initial stages of my healing, my silence was indeed a good friend to me and I have trusted it.

I have found that when my focus shifts from the “I” of “Illness to ‘”We” in “Wellness” that something in my reality shifts.  To my amazement, many have thanked me for sharing my truth and some have told me that my story has helped them and others undergoing similar life events.  And because some close to me continue to ask me to consider surgery, the reinforcement from others has been a vital saving grace.  I realize that everyone’s intentions are well-meaning and this helps me to be okay with everyone’s perspective, independent of whether it is different from mine.  Everyone is entitled to the opinion that represents their truth.  So, emotionally, I am getting stronger.  I stand tall in my own truth and power!

My husband and two boys were – and are – completely supportive of me in my decision to journey down this non-conventional path. And I knew my boys haven’t doubted my decision because they value that I am walking my truth.  They trust me and I have thanked them for standing so closely at my side.  This inspires me.

My parents also come to mind.  On the one hand, it is easier to not to have them with me, as I know they would be very scared and worried for me.  But on the other, I know that they are watching down on me from above with the pride that only parents feel for their children.  I can feel that they honor my courage to walk the road less traveled.

Part III – The Road of Blessings to Come…

Where do I go from here?  As I move through this healing experience and grow from what I have learned – being true to one’s truth and having the courage to live fully in community – it is clear to me that part of my healing process is integrating my leadership skills, from my fitness and wellness instruction background, with my current journey.  And this current journey – Wellness Coaching – is a new, evolving story that is about cultivating an environment for productive dialogue about informed, alternative decisions around cancer diagnoses.  I am on a mission to create a platform of readily available information for those who are intuitively drawn to non-conventional knowledge about their options.  The practice of sharing such information is my gift, my inspiration and my grace.  I begin this act of distribution with this website – wholycancer.com – as well as teleconferenced wellness coaching that can reach those who are not in geographic proximity to me.  I welcome you all to this special learning experience.  And I am here for you when you are in need of support.

My website is about focusing on wellness instead of illness. My hope is to empower people to take responsibility for their actions so that they can radically shift their health by making dietary and lifestyle changes.  Please note that this website is not exclusively designed to assist those with a recent diagnosis for a natural cancer treatment and supplement.  Caregivers will benefit from this information, as well as those who have been ill for an extended period of time and who are thus curious about other wellness options, being sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Join me in creating a community of abundant wellness.  Together we will learn, grow, share, and enjoy!