THE DIAGNOSIS
It’s the message every woman dreads: Hello, you have cancer!
Hello, you have cancer! – What can I say about the diagnosis? It is almost like telling the story based on where were you when John F Kennedy was shot or the twin towers were hit by terrorist planes. It seems to rank right up there as one of life’s disaster moments. With your ear poised to the phone and the knot in your stomach shadowing a glimmer of hope you listen to your doctor as she tells you the biopsy was positive. She continues on informing you of your next course of action but all you can hear is positive, positive, positive! It’s funny how positive takes on its dual meaning of negative. At that moment you become truly mortal.
Of course you have all the thoughts of no,no, no, how could this happen to me, who to call, who not to call, what am I going to do and of course the big one of “I do not’ have time for this”!
Putting it nicely if you thought you had some semblance of control over your life but that has just been wiped out. You are heading down a new path with very clear instructions and sign posts for you to follow.
Hold on because you are now entering the on ramp of the cancer freeway. You have only a few stops along the way. Your exit points are clearly marked for you. Go ahead and get second opinions they will probably all have you on a route that will take you to one of the clearly marked destinations. Of course your only course of action is to get well, to beat this and to survive.
I keep a healing journal and this I wrote the day I was given the diagnosis:
I am truly on the path of healing. Not only form a soulful sense but also from a physical plane. Today I received a diagnosis of breast cancer. Crap, crap, crap. At first I could not believe it was true. I felt like I was in a dream going through the motions trying to wrap my thoughts around it and trying to understand all at the same time. To many thoughts were entering my mind all at once I felt like I was short circuiting. Luckily, I was out in nature walking my dog Koal in the hills. I was doubly blessed that I was not alone. My friend Caroline and her dog Champ were with me. I cried and my friend and comforted me with loving hugs. What a blessing to have her in my life. I think I will learn that I am so blessed to have so many beautiful souls in my life.
I don’t recall much of the walk but it felt good just to move and to talk. A friend who we were just talking about contacted Caroline. It was all surreal. We spoke, she had cancer about a year ago and filled me with so much information that my head was reeling.
After the walk we went off to see Darryl (my loving husband) whose mom at the time had just landed in the hospital. Great timing on my part.
All felt normal except the nagging realization that I had to deal with this diagnosis. Getting used to accepting that thought in my reality is the difficult part.
Cancer has been present in my life with both my mother and father dying from it. I never truly thought it would be in my own body.
I am sure there is a reason for this even though the doctors continue to assure me that it just happens, even to people like me.
I feel it is showing up for me because it is a gift in a funny costume. I know it is a real blessing in disguise. I am determined to make this a blessing. I am determined that I will be able to offer this journey as a gift of healing for so many women. This is my road of blessings to come.
Aum, Peace, Bliss, Amen
